P. erception D.etermines R.eality
Or… How to Not-Completely-Lose-Your-Shit When Your Car Burns Up in Front of Your Eyes From an Electrical Fire in the Middle of a Racial Justice Movement and The Corona Virus Pandemic
I never knew that taking Reader’s Theatre in my College major classes was going to give me one of the sayings that I’d swear my life by. It’s a shame I never remember that teachers name, but I remember his sort of goofy, excitement and lackadaisical nature as one of our first lectures was on the greatest acronym of all time?
P.
D.
R.
That’s right folx — Perception Determines Reality and I have learned this one time and time again as I have faced some of the weirdest, what the fuck moments that really had the gutzpah to send me into rather dark places.
It came back to me recently, when in the frenzy and also enjoying one of the most beautiful days I’ve had in quarantine packaging spray bottles with special antibacterial liquid and counting masks to deliver all over Oakland and East Bay for a dear friend — excited in my purpose, alas, I was in love with my new car that I’d had just under 3 weeks.
It was the first time socially distancing with someone while actually doing something of purpose. It felt great.
And then… just as it was ending, it was only beginning a new journey.
Driving on the dark back hills of Oakland, which is rather enchanting in the best way — it got a little chilly and I decided to use my heater for the first time. Mere moments later — there’s a faint “steam” coming out of the ventilation system — I continue to drive, it appears to be non-stop — in a quick action I turned off the highway, up a short hill and pulled right in around the corner in front of what I believe was a mansion you could not see from the road, but a fence was clear and present.
I stop the car.
It’s still “steaming.”
I start looking around. Getting a wee frantic. Like huh, what the fuck is going on, I don’t know what to do. So… instinct says to clear the car, I look under the hood, no smoke, no fumes, nada. Back to the car, fumes, smoke…shit.
Clear the car, get the antibacterial solution and the masks out, get my grandmas O.D.E. (outdoor eating experience) blanket out, special rocks, antibacterial, backpack and goooooo.
knocking on neighbors fence — no clear entrance.
Running in what feels like slow weird motion down the street — young kid in the street — Help! Where are you parents? Please get your parents!
Kid does nothing.
Teenagers ahead. Help! I need water, please, help, I need water.
Fuck.
Return to car — orange ember by the heater.
Pour water on the vents.
Nothing.
Shit. Call 911.
Buckets of Water do nothing.
Fire extinguisher…duh…
It’s too late.
A guy rolls up in a suv- black man, nice man. Do you need help?
Yes.
Water.
Gets out looks at car.
Completely on Fire.
It’s way too late.
Fire truck passes by.
Returns.
Flames going through the sunroof of my beautiful friend, Bedde Lou Ray, mintgreen Volskwagen VW Bug of the 2000 variety.
Melted. Steering wheel melted. No return.
Unmasked firefighers.
Nice man. helps. Teenagers filming.
I’m in shock. I catch no video of what is happening.
I try to call my insurance company and change my policy on the spot.
I was sure I need roadside assistance, but I wouldn’t need to replace a $2,000 car anytime soon — even if it lasted me a year I thought we’d be cool.
No comprehensive insurance only road side assistance.
Road side assistance doesn’t cover the tow of a dead car.
Oakland Police Department will take care of it.
I’ll never see her again.
Everyone turned out to be a really good neighbor. Good citizens on the road.
And here’s where the kicker of perception comes in.
I was alone, I had 40% on my phone, I had two loving housemates pick up the phone. One came to get me immediately and helped me even drop off some of the deliveries.
In this moment, in this new place which I’ve only lived a year — I experienced a day where I felt like I have true community and family. That I do have purpose and I have people that have my back no matter what.
While I mourn the loss of that dear car. I give thanks for the lesson in taught me in learning to accept help, sharing resources, mutual aid and realizing that I don’t have to always have things that are mine, mine, mine.
As I’ve matured in The Bay, my egocentric ways have slowly disseminated. With more learnings everyday about how I can be more open hearted, selfless, and giving of myself.
The more I realize that we are all here for each other — the easier life feels and becomes. The resources feel abundant and there is less time spent on acquiring and wasting.
So… I give thanks to the teachers and messengers who have helped me to perceive things in their good. There is always a way to see the light. Sometimes you really have to dig deep, but it’s always there.
Perception
Determines
Reality.
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